Jokes for which I am to be blamed
I’ve always loved a good joke. I’ve even loved a bad joke or two. I might love dad jokes1 the most. Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of jokes. I enjoy holding on to a joke and passing it on to the right person at the right time. I’ve even written a few originals, most of which fall into the dad joke category.
Here’s a collection of jokes I’ve written. Please enjoy. Crack a smile, maybe. Roll your eyes, even. I love a good eye roll.
Man: “My late wife would love this restaurant.”
Hostess: “I’m sorry, how long has she been dead?”
Man:
“Not dead. Just late, like usual.”Life’s miserable when you’re married to a melon monger…
Here's why
So many honeydews! Big, expensive wedding too. (cantaloupe)A man got so angry when his ex falsely claimed she could play a stringed instrument of the harp family that he burned down her greenhouse in return…
Summarized
Lyre liar, plants on fire!I tried a layup in our old man pickup game, but somebody’s sweaty arm pit hit me right in the face…
It was a
Fragrant foulWhen Oscar Mayer’s business really started to take off…
He knew
he had a wiener on his handsCan’t wait to be done with the Holidays…
Because
I’m so over joyedThe toilet paper shortage in California left residents wondering…
Pun incoming...
Where in the world is Charmin, San Diego?I was ticketed for speed reading yesterday…
About that
I’d tell you the whole story, but it all happened so fastAfter I whispered the secret password to the man blocking the bathroom…
He replied
“Urine”Every time I (an English teacher) correct my wife’s misuse of a word, she laughs it off…
and says
“That’s what I get for marrying a linguinist!”Took the kids mushroom hunting over the weekend, but we only found one shroom…
I guess
That’s the morel of the storyMy wife was in labor for 30 hours and when the baby finally crowned…
I yelled
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”My wife rolled her eyes when I flexed my biceps, but I impressed her by taking my shirt off and flexing a second time…
Turns out
I have great reflexesMy wife was making fun of how many cavities I’ve had over the years…
I replied
“Please stop talking about it. You’re hurting my fillings.”My childhood hobby (birdwatching) always got me in trouble…
I wasn't allowed to
use fowl languageI’ve been trying to start a hot air balloon business…
Unfortunately
I just can’t seem to get it off the ground-
Too many people mistake a bad joke for a dad joke. It’s about intention. Dad jokes can be good or bad, smart or silly, it doesn’t matter. But the intent of a dad joke is to make your kids roll their eyes, groan, or hopefully both. My fellow dads know what I’m talking about. ↩︎